


The Lizard Fanfiction

by NovemberDecember



Category: L.A. Noire
Genre: 20 screaming lizards, 42 liberal spiders, Anal Sex, Basically the oc is actually 20 screaming lizards, Charlotte's Web - Freeform, Crack, I don't, I don't know what the fuck is happening, Lizard Orgy, M/M, My Immortal - Freeform, Sex, Spider Vore, This is a crack fic, With lizards?, idk - Freeform, im sorry, in Roy's asshole, knw what is happening help me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-02-09 20:05:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12895719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NovemberDecember/pseuds/NovemberDecember
Summary: okay so basically i posted this and people fucking loved it??? and i changed it to "Our Get Along Shirt" but everyone always refers to it at "the lizard fic" so that's what its going to be.the curesed lizard.. orgy.. fanfic..thats what im known for now i guess





	1. The Lizard ORgy

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Crawling Back to You](https://archiveofourown.org/works/746458) by [My_Dear_Watson](https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Dear_Watson/pseuds/My_Dear_Watson). 



> so, yeah, i don't know what happening. sorry. i hate myself just as much as you guys hate me most likely.

Roy Earle kicked open the door to the LAPD building, because he’s a super douche badass. He doesn’t even remember the name of this fucking building. He doesn’t give a shit. Fuck you. He just remembers it has something to do with amazing, hot rich detective guys, such as him. And Cole. Except Cole is fuckign dead. Holy fuck, he misses Cole.

He walked over to a pot of coffee that was surrounded by his partner Stefan Bekowsky and Salvador McCallister, the former detective Cole Phelp’s tol, skinny cousin. Wow he was so tol. So, so tol. Like a giraffe. And really skinny. He reminded Roy of a lizard, to be honest, but he never brought it up. He was too busy thinking about “sexing him up” as the fangirls probably say. Roy knows the fangirls love him too, and his super rapey but adorable relationship with Cole.

But, boohoo, Cole is fuckign dead. So no rapey but adorable hate sex, sadly. Roy’s as sad about it as you, ladies. Anyways, Roy decided to settle with Cole’s tol, skinny cousin. So tol. So, so tol. “What’s up, bitches?” Roy chuckled at the two men, pouring himself a cup of boiling coffee and chugging it down. He started tearing up, but wouldn’t allow himself to cry. Crying was for pussies. And he was a super macho man. Holy fuck he missed Cole.

“Well, akhthually,” Stefan began. “How about you shut your whore mouth, Roy.” Everyone in the audience oohed and awed. Stefan was so cool and young, wow. And hot. Wow. And so sassy! A real ladies man.

“S-senpai! Don’t cuss, you baka!” Sal screamed, closing his eyes and blushing like an anime girl. Holy fuck, Roy was super turned on. His 12 inch dick was getting a semi in the middle of the conversation. He remembered Cole being all cute, and his dick grew even longer. We’re talking like, really long. Stefan threw his head back and began screaming like a hyena. Everyone in the department watched him until he stopped.

“WOW, YOU LOSER, YOU HAVE AN ERECTIOn, LOL.” Stefan basically screamed. Roy punched him in the face while blushing. Stefan sprang back up and kept laughing. Sal noticed and had a nosebleed. “YEAH HOW ABOUT YOU SHUT UP STEFAN I HAVE TEN TIMES THE SEX YOU DO.” Roy shouted at his partner.

“YEAH WELL JOKES ON YOU ROY, ZERO TIMES TEN IS ZERO.”

“dude aren’t you and viv married,”

“yeah but im scared of her”

“oh fair enough did you guys go see a marriage counselor”

“no”

“dude you really should”

“yeah I know, roy”

“Hey, dumbasses, you have a new case.” The police chief suddenly appeared behind Roy, and licked Roy’s ear. Roy understood that this meant there had been an accident with the Elysian Fields share. Roy and the chief were so proud that they had come up with a secret way to communicate with each other. It involved licking each other, which they both totally loved. Holy fuck, Roy missed Cole.

“Ugh, fine, go away dad geez.” Stefan was such a slacker, he shouldn’t talk that way to the chief, but he did anyways, because he’s such a slacker. The chief quickly licked Roy’s eyebrow and ran away into his office.

“Wow, I’m so nervous about this case, guys, even though we have no idea what it is.” Sal suddenly said without the annoying anime girl accent.

Roy chuckled conceitedly, since he was so good at his job. “Ha, don’t worry about it, Salvador. I’m sure it’s nothing to be worried about.” He flashed his beautiful, celebrity teeth.

Salvador looked confused. Roy didn’t understand why. They all stood in silence. Especially Stefan, since the writer forgot he was there until writing this part.

“Sal isn’t short for Salvador,” Sal began. “It’s short for Salamander.”

Roy stared at him, then, without so much as blinking, decked Salamander in the face.

“RoY nO iT’s NoT wOrTh It!!!11!” Stefan grabbed Roy and pulled him away from the young Salamander. Roy stopped trying to beat Sal as he realized how serious Stefan really was. “Instead, let me shoot him.”

Before Roy could input an insightful comment, Stefan pulled out his gun and shot Salamander.

Roy screamed loudly, but it could be barely heard of the Salamanders. That’s right, multiple salamanders.

Stefan and Roy looked in confusion at the screaming salamanders, not really knowing what to say. They screm.

It totally reminded Roy of this meme he saw on Tumblr about twenty screming salamanders in a trench coat. It also reminded him about how much he missed Cole. He began crying.

Stefan was literally, at this moment, fuckign dead inside. There were twenty screaming salamanders in the middle of the LAPD, and Roy was crying again for god knows what reason. Suddenly the fire alarm began going off, and the sprinklers rain down. He calmly sipped his coffee. “This is fine.”

“No It’S nOt BeKoW!!!11! I miss my Cole-y poo!!!! I want him back!!” Roy began screming amongst the lizards. (Author’s note: “screming amongst the lizards” honestly has the same emotional impact as the screen going black and a gunshot, just sayin’.)

“jesus christ, you’re so fuckign gay roy, I swear to god.” Stefan mumbled. He could not be heard over all the screming though.

The lizards, still screaming, looked over to the crying Roy. “oh the hot man is sad. We fucc??? We fucc.” The lizards all agreed. They scurried towards Roy, and Roy screamed in fear. The lizards starting crawling in his clothes. Stefan watched in horror. He didn’t know what to do.

Stefan’s horror turned to confusion when Roy’s face twisted into a smile. “What are they doing to you, Roy?” Stefan whispered.

“they in my ass, bekow~.” Roy moaned in pleasure. He usually didn’t like ass stuff, but with the twenty screming lizards in his ass (yes, they’re still scremin), he was really enjoying it. Stefan was enjoying watching it. He wanted to get in on the action. “hey lizards, how about you come crawl inside this p-hole. polish hole,,, sorry.”

So the lizards did. And they all came multiple times with their gigantium 1947 dicks. Nice.

The end

(also roy really misses cole!! Sweet garbage boy.)


	2. roy fuckign dies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> you fuckign vored Roy Earle to death. nice job binch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha im so fuckingn sorry

You fucking screeched. That’s right, there is fucking is, the f-word. _You fucking screeched_. There he was, the mid 40’s douchebag who’s ass you wanted to crawl up like 20 screming lizards. Roy Earle. In the flesh. Him and his beautiful salmon arms, and his slightly wrinkled face and his douchebag smile.  He looked at you and smirked (((that smirk.jpg)))

“Haha, you dumba broad, why are you not in the kitchen?” He asked her, sounding Italian for some fucking reason halfway through the sentence. Cole fucking slapped his partner’s beautiful edgy face to defend the lady. “Roy, oh my godddd, don’t be sexist, it’s 1948 GET WITH THE TIMES”

You were fucking shook. You had traveled…. 70 years back?! Wowee, Golly, jingle bells,, this was crazy! You were from the year 2018! You thought about it for a moment before you realized that you had been in the 1948 for 3 months, and hadn’t realized it till now since it was so similar to 2018. Whoops.

You thought for a fucking moment before you opened her MOUTH and SAID something, something that most women in 1948 weren’t allowed to do. You TODLH HIM OFF!!! “Roy…. How about you shut up? I’m a STRONG, INDEPENDENT, WOMAN!!! I Do not.. I repeat! _Do not_.. Need to do what you tell me too!”

Roy was fucking shook, and so was Cole. Cole suddenly turned around and began sprinting away from all immediate danger. He didn’t deserve this. He had two kids and a wife, and that was enough female sass  for him.

Roy stood there, looking at the strong independent woman. Suddenly his GIANT DONG sPRANG LOOSE FROM HIS PANTS. You blushed. “Oh my god Roy, your penis is so huge. You should NUT in me!1!!” you screamed at the top of her lungs, and everyone in L.A. heard her and looked at you…. In confusion…… wow…….

“Oh yEAH, baby, I’ll nut in you!!1!” He yelled and began fuckign you in the streat. Everyone who watched fucking died because they were so aroused… wow…

“Oh yes Room, I love ur big ducking peanus…. Yes!!” you scremed.

Roy stopped.

The screming was too familiar….. Like the lizards…………………………………..

He sprang up, his penis leaking nut. “NO” he yelled.

Youtube sprang up wiyh him. “YES MOTHERFUCKER.” youbob screamed.

Yungnoo suddenly began melting until you turned into 42 liberal spiders. Roy screamed like a little girl aand ebgsn springing the opposite way that Cole had gone, stil yelling at the top of his lungs. But his efforts were meaningless.

Roy was no match for the 42 liberal spiders.

They jumped on him, spinning a web and pinning him down. The main spider, the queen, YouTubr, spoke in the most haunting voice Roy had ever heard. It would scare him forever. Everytime he would sleep, he would hear it in his beautiful douche head.

“ _Charlotte’s Web Vore Porn, motherfucker_.” you uttered. The spiders suddenly began to crawl into Roy’s mouth, falling down into his stomach. They all began growing, and Roy moaned. Roy was stuffed from all the yummy spiders….

He looked like some of that weird ass furry vore fanart where the furry dude is all sweaty and fat from eating the fuckee. (Author’s note: If you even try to defend that fuckign shit in the comments I will drop kick you into a vat of snake venom)

Rory or whaetever the fuck his name is moaned at least this loud: woaaaaaHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Jis dick leaked wit hhis nut… the spiders… they wanted that nut!11

They had to get out of his stomach. The spiders began to slither through Roy’s inestines out through his asshole, causing himm to moan even louder. The spiders crawled onto his penis, which took 4 minutes because it was so fucking long. Heck yeah! (no cussing btw guys my mom checks the comments!!1! ;)

Roach sat there, his ass bleeding, as spiders began crawling in his P-HOLE (sorry I know you fucking hate that) ((((((((((((POLISHHHHHHH HOLE))))))))))))))))))))

The spiders… The crawled up into his bladder, which for some reason the writer suddenly remembered that men had one.

The 42 liberal spiders made a society in his bladder. They lived there for many years happily. They were never dehydrated, for obvious reasons, and they ate away the cancer that was probably there since Roy fucking drinks so much alcohol. Seriously. What the fuck,  Rockstar?

The 42 liberal spiders eventually turned into 43. Then 44. They reached numbers so high that whoever dictates what numbers are had to make the number line BIGGER (like roy’s penis, ayO!) eventually Roy’s stomach got so fucking big from being vored that he exploded.

Roy fuckign died.

you had killed him

These damn millenials


End file.
